Just me
There's a meme going around to take a picture of yourself just this minute, no matter what you look like, and post it. No editing, no do-overs. So here's me, sitting in my 3rd floor office at home:

I just found out yesterday that a former co-worker whom I considered a friend, Matt Cartwright, passed away on Monday evening. It was sudden and unexpected, a freak accident at his mother's house. He apparently fell and hit his head really hard...so hard that it was the head trauma that caused his death.

I can't wrap my mind around it. I was just starting to get back in touch with him, it'd been so long and I really wanted to reconnect and find out how he was doing. We'd worked together on all kinds of absolutely crazy projects, and he would always keep us together and keep us moving even when the client was driving him nuts or when he was angry and frustrated. He would always crack jokes and draw crazy pictures on the whiteboards and keep us laughing even on the late nights. Always made sure we were fed on the late nights, too, which was always appreciated.

I met his wife Alison on those crazy projects, too. She's a great graphic designer, and she would often come in as a freelancer to pitch in and help when things got nutty. Alison's an amazing sweetheart, and now I regret not keeping in touch with her as well.

Their first and only daughter, Ellie, turns one year old next week. She will only have pictures of her father to know him by.

I just can't wrap my mind around it. This week was supposed to be a big marketing week for me, but now I just can't focus. It doesn't seem important anymore.

I wish I weren't so pregnant, so that I could actually go to the funeral and memorial for him. It's too far to travel at 37 weeks, or possibly 38 or more once the arrangements are made. I wish I could be there. I wish there was something I could do, besides remember him and cry.

Don (playing with Dot in the living room): "No offense, baby..."
Dot: "I'm not a fence baby!"

Who's the sidekick, here?
Dot, who is 3 now, asked to take a shower with me this morning. I said sure, and we spent a happy shower together (me mostly getting clean, she mostly splashing). After the shower, we both got our towels and started drying off.

She draped her towel over her shoulders, and said, "Look! I have...a Superman scarf." So I grinned, and said, "Yes, you have a superhero cape. Hey, can I be SuperMom, you'll be SuperGirl, and I'll be your sidekick?" She replied, "Sure!" She then marched toward me and proceeded to whack my shin with her foot.

Startled, I asked, "What was that for?" She looked at me and said, "I want you to be SuperMom and I want to be your kicker!" And she didn't quite understand why I burst out laughing, but she grinned anyway...

(no subject)
Found this link from Nixicat, and had a great time building my doll. :)

elouai"s doll maker 3

Refocusing my LJ...
This journal entry will hopefully be one of my last to "break the fourth wall", in theater-speak (In other words, it acknowledges that I have an audience). The whole audience-orientation of LJ has recently begun to get to me. So I'm going to be making some changes.

The first change is that I will no longer be commenting in anyone else's journal. There's just too much tendency for both the original journaller and anyone else reading to "play to the audience"...usually resulting in not much useful conversation, and a lot of attempted upstaging (otherwise known as, "I can be funnier or more sarcastic than you can"). It's really only the illusion of dialogue.

The second change is that I will be disabling comments in my own journal. If I say something in my journal that you disagree with, or that you agree with, or that sparks thoughts you'd like to share...start a conversation with me! Send me email about it, give me a call on the phone and chat. I think this will be far more useful and rewarding, albeit less convenient.

Hopefully, the result will be that I will feel less inhibited about putting my thoughts out there, and will therefore be journalling more often. We'll see how it goes.

We now return you to your very irregularly scheduled LJ.

(no subject)
gakked from mizmoose:

If you read this,
even if I don't speak to you often,
please post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad,
just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal to see what people remember about you.

[edited to remove the imperative]

Again, I've been internalizing for a while, not finding time to post (despite finding time to spend 4+ hours at a stretch every couple of days to play World of Warcraft...good lord, that game is addictive). But I was thinking that I'd like to start a tradition of a weekly list of things I'm thankful for, maybe only 3-5 things at a time.

So, my list of things I'm thankful for today:
    A workplace where my ideas are appreciated and encouraged
    The opportunity to have a one-working-parent family
    A husband who is so wonderful at looking after our daughter
    A daughter who is blossoming day by day
    Experience driving in snow!

Not that there's much snow, but of course I-95 is already completely closed at one point and there's accidents all over the region. Please, let my last thankful point not come back to haunt me later!

Striving to be a good strong bow
A long while back, when we were first receiving baby gifts for Dorothy, Ceil Weida (one of Mary's sisters) quoted a poem which I found incredibly moving. Since then, I'd been searching for that poem so that I could remember and reflect upon it. Today, I found it:

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom
said, "Speak to us of Children."

And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so he loves
also the bow that is stable.

Kahlil Gibran
1883 - 1931
Lebanese poet, artist, and philosopher

Sophie arrived safely!
Been too busy to really update much, but Sophie Louise Delle Chiaie was born on May 24th at 8:05 PM, weighing 7 lbs 3 oz and measuring 19.5 inches. From what I hear, it was a long labor, but Heather did the whole thing without any drugs, and is so calm and serene about everything! My sister is an amazing woman.

We're hoping to send them some flowers, and I also want to send my sister a book called The Baby Owners Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance, which is available at Amazon.com. I highly recommend it to any geeky or techie person who's considering having a child. It's written just like a hardware manual, except easy to understand and with lovely funny illustrations. Plus, the information is spot-on accurate as well as humorously presented! Do I sound like a commercial? I swear I'm not getting any kickbacks. :-)

And finally, a photo of the little one. LJ-cut for your convenienceCollapse )
This photo was taken shortly after she was born, and already she's a heart-breaker! :-)


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